Jan 23
Self-coaching: A Practical Guide To Change Your Life And Reach Your Goals.
Anyone coming out of grief, divorce, resignation, or any other situation will find answers, inspiration, and techniques that help transform their own lives.
After a divorce in 2019 and the Coronavirus pandemic in 2020, I decided to leave my job at an insurance company in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States, and take a moment to decide what to do about the future. In March 2021, I unexpectedly lost my ex-husband and best friend in a domestic accident at our house. I've just left the most troubled period of my life behind me, and I've decided that it's time to reinvent myself once again.
Anyone coming out of grief, divorce, resignation, or any other situation will find answers, inspiration, and techniques that help transform their own lives.
The first step to moving from intention to action is to organize ideas and feelings to understand the moment of life and transform it into change objectives, goals, and deadlines.
I looked for a methodology that had already helped me in an extraordinary life transformation in the past, when I went from intern to a marketing manager position, with substantial financial and professional improvement.
The results were so impressive that my story is in the book practical Coaching — The Path to Success (free translation from the title in Portuguese), written by consultants Paul Campbell Dinsmore and Monique Cosendey Soares (both in memoriam). The book presents a model that the authors called PBC — Project-Based Coaching, and I use some of these concepts to reinvent my life.
Book excerpt
Fred came from Minas Gerais to Rio de Janeiro to try his luck in television, where he already had some experience. Fred says: “I came to be the next new tv anchor.”
Since the opportunity didn’t present immediately, he got a job in a small consulting company as a “marketing assistant,” responsible for internal communication and various tasks given by his boss.
After three years, Fred became discouraged and left the company. He spent two years in small self-employment jobs when an opportunity arose for a three-month temp job at his previous consulting firm.
At that moment, Fred decided to turn his life around and started “auto coaching” based on a magazine article. He did his planning and followed some simple steps proposed in the magazine. He enrolled in a postgraduate course and began to face the marketing activity with interest and enthusiasm. The initial three-month task has turned into a permanent role. The old dream of television began to be fulfilled by the fascination of the now assumed profession of marketing, which he followed with professionalism and accomplishment.
The First Step: Who am I, and where am I?
Transformation demands change. It is impossible to have a different life than you have today, doing the same things you do today. In some cases, even small changes can cause significant transformations. For example: waking up five minutes earlier instead of sleeping five minutes longer can be the first step of a massive shift in your day. It can be the difference between being the person who is always late to being recognized by everyone at work as the one always on time.
"Transformation depends on change, and change happens when we make decisions."
It's crucial to understand where you are right now before working out goals, deadlines, and setting actions on what you want to change in your life. At this moment, you must listen to that most sincere voice within yourself. Don't feel pressured to make decisions right now. You need to review the situation you want to change, be honest with yourself and imagine the new life you want to have. Do it without judgment and fear. Talk to your innermost intentions and let the thought flow. Build-in your mind the actual scenario you live in today.
Assembling your Autobiography
The consultants Paul Dinsmore and Monique Consendey suggest you answer the questions below to compose a short autobiography and get a picture of your life so far.
How was your childhood?
What kind of student were you at school?
How was your relationship with your parents?
Have any brothers? How was your relationship with them?
How was your adolescence? What were your dreams?
What made you decide on your current career?
How do you feel about your work?
How do you feel about your family?
How do you perceive your career?
What were the defining events in your life?
What were the three best moments of your life?
What were the three worst moments of your life?
What are your biggest concerns right now?
What stage of life do you currently see yourself in?
What drives you to act?
What motivates you?
What stops you from doing what you want?
What else?
How to get your autobiography?
Currently working in a bank in the United States, far from my professional dreams of fifteen years ago, I decided to put a professional focus on the autobiography proposed by the authors. I made a list of the professions I've had in my life so far and everything I've learned from each of them:
The intention of doing this review of the past is to take advantage of the insights that we can have from it that will be useful in the future. To write this list made me realize two characteristics that can be seen in almost everything I've done professionally in life.
The first one is that I always gave my best in all the activities I performed. My conclusion is that I care about the quality of the work, regardless of what role I am performing.
The second and most crucial perception is that even when I didn't work directly with communication, it was precisely communication that made me successful. I wouldn't have won sales awards when I worked in insurance if I didn't know how to map and communicate with the markets I worked in. Nor would I have won essential clients, such as Embraer (Brazilian Airplane Manufacturer), when I was a partner in a training consultancy in São Paulo, Brazil.
After looking at this scenario, I asked myself the following question: What do I do best in life? The immediate response was: I translate ideas into words and pictures! And that's communication.
Second Step: Where am I going?
After finding yourself and moving on to the detailed definition of goals, objectives, and deadlines, it is crucial to write down more broadly what you want for the future. The Dinsmore & Cosendey model proposes that you write your Vision, Mission, and Values to highlight the real you.
It's essential to have this written down, whether on the phone, computer, or napkin, because writing helps internalize your intentions. If you come from the corporate world like me, you may be tired of this exercise, but I don't think the problem is with the activity itself. I often didn't have enough courage, to be honest with myself to reach some result that made me happy.
But we are ever-changing beings, so your Mission and Vision today may be different from a while ago, and that's okay. Even if you have to work on these points later on, it's better to get something down on paper now and make adjustments from time to time than not putting anything at all. It's challenging to get somewhere in life if you don't know where you want to go. Even if you still need to work on your Vision, Mission and Values, what you have now is a starting point for your transformation.
I publish my latest versions of Values, Mission, and Future Vision below for those looking for some example or inspiration.
Goals, Actions, and Deadlines
Now it's time to detail the following steps and get to work. The more detailed, the better, but if you have your goals in mind, a path to achieving them, and a time frame for achieving them, you already have what you need to start transforming your life.
This type of work aims to help clarify your goals and achieve what you want and deserve in life. Spend time on your planning, but don't wait until you have a perfect plan to begin the transformation in your life. I keep rebuilding my life and reinventing myself, and I wish you all the luck on your journey! See you!
